My World
by wscaster
Summary: My life has been a long one with many adventures and companions. This is the story of the TARDIS.


**AN:** This story is a part of a series. The plot bunnies attacked me on mass and wouldn't let me go until I at least started this series. Each part will be seperate and can be read as stand alones (If I decide to actually finish this series), though each part will make the bigger picture more complete. This story is also the reason why some of my other stories have been put on the back burner (again the plot bunnies for this story were way nasty and held my other plot bunnys captives) So let me know what you think and if you think I should continue the series.

Also please note that this story at least will be cross posted on the Doctor Who and Torchwood sections. :o) Enjoy!

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I have spent my life looking out for my Doctor and his companions.

It hasn't always been easy, but I do my best.

But sometimes my best is not good enough and my Doctor loses someone he cares about.

We have been to the beginning and the end of time, and many places in between.

I know my Doctor well.

I know that my Doctor craves adventure and mystery, so I help him along with his quest, sometimes diverting him from where he was planning to go and other times stopping him from leaving. I am always looking for the ripples in time and space that tell me that something is not quite right. That something needs my Doctor's attention. It often turns into something dangerous, but that is what my Doctor lives for. It's what keeps my Doctor going. Without the danger and the mysteries and the adventure my Doctor would loose his spark. And that is not something that I can let happen.

Not now.

Not ever.

So sometimes I meddle.

But it usually works out well in the end.

Over time my Doctor has become very fond of the people called the Humans. And I have to say I can see why he has. They just have this certain something. Something that makes them great, that keeps them going when most other races in the universe have given up. I wasn't at all surprised when we ended up at the end of time that we ran into some Humans there still fighting, still striving to survive.

My Doctor and I have been together since he was first shown the Time Vortex when he was a small child. I wasn't much older, just old enough to understand what a great responsibility I had been given. It was my duty to look out for this young Time Lord, to provide for him and to keep him safe.

And I always did my best.

My Doctor once explained that seeing the Vortex for the first time inspired some to greatness, others to run and some to madness. My Doctor always said that he ran, but I say he ran towards greatness.

My Doctor was always restless, always on the move, as was I which was why I knew that we would make a wonderful team. Never staying in one place for long and always looking for a new experience. We travelled far and wide, visiting different planets and different times. Sometimes someone would capture his attention and he'd invite them to travel with him for a while. Most of the time they accepted, always free to leave when they were ready to go back to their lives, sometimes they did not. My Doctor was always happier when he had company to travel with. He had me, but it is not the same as another solid being, and I understand that. But there has been so many, and they always leave and they always leave him a little broken. But it never stops him for long.

Some of his companions stand out more than others. Some of them slip further into his hearts than others and their departures are never easy, and never their choice. Each time he builds bigger stronger walls around his hearts and mind, trying to keep them further away from him, though he longs to let them in, to end his loneliness. Even if it is only for a time.

His companions usually have such short lives compared to his own. But that is the fate of a Time Lord.

It is his fate.

To roam all of time and space.

Alone.

He is after all, the Last of the Time Lords.

As I am the last of the TARDIS'.

We have done so many things together, and I know that no matter what happens he will come back for me, will fight with everything he has to get back to me. No matter what.

We have seen worlds born and die. Wars that have ripped planets apart. Black holes that have sucked everything in. We were stuck on Earth for a time while my Doctor was exiled. And we fought in the war to end All wars the war that saw the death of both of our. Leaving us alone.

Together.

Our bond has always been strong. Stronger than most.

There have been times when other Time Lords were jealous of the bond that I shared with my Doctor, though they were close to their own TARDIS' it was never the same as our bond. My Doctor is special and this I knew from the start. I knew I was lucky to be drawn to him.

And I wouldn't change a thing.

There have been special people who have shared our journey along the way. His family traveled with us for a time. Romona, another Time Lord, traveled with us as well, and for a time all was right with the universe, they were close. But she left and my Doctor drifted again for a time. My Sarah Jane Smith was a human who captured my Doctor's attention like few had before, it broke my Doctor's hearts when he had to leave her behind to go back to Gallifrey. I tried my hardest to ease his pain when she left, tried to sooth him. But it took a long time before someone else was able to get past all of his defenses again.

Then Rose burst into my Doctors life and I knew as soon as I met her that she was special.

Romona special.

Sara Jane Smith special.

Maybe even more than even them. She was so young and she seemed to shine with something that neither of us had seen for a very long time. I knew that my Doctor was totally taken with this young human girl who yearned to see so much. She was a lot like my Doctor, she loved the learning and the adventure and the mysteries of the universe. So we took her with us. I found myself being as taken with her as my Doctor was, which also hadn't happened for many many years. I found myself looking out for her as much as I did my Doctor. I found myself easing into her mind so that I could help her, take care of her, provide for her like I did my Doctor. And she was so giving and caring that she made the effort worth it. When she found out about me getting into her mind, translating and other things, she was shocked and I felt the fear and anger that she hadn't been warned, but that soon passed and at times when things were quiet I could some times feel her exploring the link between us.

We traveled so far and wide and had so many adventures.

Then they met Adam. I didn't want him to travel with us. I didn't trust him. But my Rose wanted him too and my Doctor would do just about anything to make her happy. So he joined us, but he didn't last. He betrayed us all, especially my Rose. I think my Doctor wasn't at all surprised when Adam betrayed us, but the knowledge of what he'd done, what he'd been willing to do, hurt my Rose and for that I wanted him to pay. Which he did, no one hurt my Doctor or my Rose and got away with it. My Doctor took him back to his home, and this time I made sure that I got it just right, made sure that it we arrived just before his mother would arrive. I watched as my Doctor played with Adam before he left, I was so proud of my Doctor then. It's not often you see him play like that and it was so funny to watch and feel the horror as Adam realized that my Doctor and my Rose were going to leave him there with the Data Tap in his head. And as hurt as my Rose had been I'd was happy when she joined in with my Doctor playing with him. It was a fitting end. He had to live a quiet and lonely life, without drawing any attention to himself. I often checked in on him to make sure he didn't get up to anything he shouldn't.

Then came Captain Jack Harkness. My Doctor wasn't sure what to make of him at first, he wanted to trust him, but there was something that held him back. But my Rose trusted him on the spot and fell for him, as did I. And my Doctor? Well he fell for him as well. It was a rare thing that anyone made it past my Doctor's defenses but now we were traveling with two people who my Doctor really cared for. For the first time since the Time Wars my Doctor was happy and content. My Rose had eased his pain, and my own. And with her help we were both ready to accept another traveler who made us all laugh and enjoy the journey.

Don't get me wrong, my Jack had his own pain. He'd been betrayed by those he'd trusted, had part of his life taken away from him. I would gladly have given it back to him if it had been in my power, but it was beyond me. He'd accepted long ago that he would never get those memories back so he'd made the best of what he had. He was so like my Doctor and my Rose. A force of nature that stopped people in their tracks, that made people take notice of them.

My Jack reminded my Doctor of things that he had long forgotten. Simple things like dancing and music. It had been a long time since my Doctor had danced and relaxed while we drifted and traveled. But my Jack reminded him of some of the simple things in life that make the journey all that more enjoyable.

With my Rose and my Jack and my Doctor all together I felt stronger than I have for years, felt myself reaching for things and pushing myself to help all three of my charges. And yes all three were now mine to care for and look after. All three I would do just about anything to protect. All three I would move worlds to keep alive and connected in some way.

But then the Darleks came. We thought they were all dead along with the rest of the Time Lords and TARDIS'. But we were wrong. They had hidden from us and lay in wait for a time when they could rule again.

But I found them.

And I knew that we had to stop them.

But what would the cost be this time?

My Doctor had paid the ultimate price a Time Lord could pay during the Time Wars. We thought that it would finally be over.

We thought that we would die with the others.

But we didn't.

My Doctor and I had survived.

We were the only ones to survive.

Or so we thought.

Where once there had been a warmth that flowed through my Doctors mind and my heart now lay empty, until my Rose and my Jack had arrived. It had been almost unbearable. My Doctor had become reckless with grief, but I couldn't stop him, only help him and try and keep him safe.

To find out that it had all been for nothing, that the Darleks had survived had been horrendous.

My Jack had some knowledge of the Time War and Time Lords, but it was all part of myths and legends, which as with most legends have lost something with time and in translation. My Rose had no idea about Galifrey and the Darleks apart from what my Doctor had told her, which hadn't been much because talking of all that we had lost was still to painful for him. But my Jack had always believed that there was more to the myths and legends, and he'd been thrilled when he realized he'd been right. He drew information out of my Doctor, helped him to heal a little more and talk about his home and his life. He even knew a little of the Darleks which had surprised both my Doctor and myself. But it wasn't enough.

It was never enough.

And they paid.

We all paid.

All I could do was watch as my charges fought to save the earth and the universe from the Darleks. I watched and listened as my Doctor and my Jack plotted and planned to fight and all the while my heart bled because I knew that they thought they stood no chance. After all it had taken wiping out all of the Time Lords the last time to wipe out the Darleks. I knew the moment that my Doctor realized that this time he wouldn't be able to stop the Darleks without killing millions of innocent people as well as himself, and this time he would die. I also knew the moment that my Jack realized what was happening. I knew my Jack never expected to live through this battle, but he was at peace with that knowledge, knowing that what he was doing was for the greater good of the universe. But that knowledge burned through my heart. I didn't want to loose my Jack or my Doctor or my Rose. They needed to live, to survive, to hold each other together after the battle. But I could also see what they saw, feel what they felt. My link with my charges was now that strong that I hurt when they hurt.

I knew the moment that my Doctor knew that he had to trick my Rose into going back to her time, back to her family. My Rose trusted my Doctor, she never saw it coming until it was too late to do anything about it. I felt my Doctor cry out in pain as he watched me carry away our Rose to safety. And I felt as if I was being torn apart when she realized what had happened. My Rose fought against it, tried to make me take her back to our Doctor so that she could continue to fight along side him and our Jack. But I had made a promise to my Doctor that I would keep our Rose safe, and to do that I had to break her heart.

I listened as the battle raged on, my Doctor working frantically on the weapon that he didn't think he would have time to finish, the weapon that he knew he had no time to fine tune. I listened as my Jack fought the good fight and shared his pain as he watched the people around him dying in the fight. And I felt the pain of my Rose as she struggled and failed to come to terms with being sent away. My Rose fought so hard in her own battle, her battle to rejoin my Doctor and my Jack. And in the end I could no longer deny her pain. I opened my heart to her and she looked in.

My Rose and I were One.

How could I deny her anything, this human child who had looked into the heart of a TARDIS. Her heart was pure, caring more for others than she did for herself. She wanted nothing, save for our Doctor and our Jack to be safe. To be with our Doctor and our Jack. And we made it so.

We went back to the Station, the battle was almost over. We felt the moment our Jack died, just as we had arrived, but we still had time to save our Doctor, and to put things back to right.

We moved as one, spoke as one, worked as one.

With a wave of our hand the Darleks were gone. Turned to dust. We had felt the wave of pain as our Jack died and the wave of sadness as he felt he failed my Doctor, and the wave of relief that my Rose was safe.

We moved and spoke telling our Doctor that we brought life, and as we said that we felt the life returning to our Jack. We felt his shock and confusion to finding himself in the hall where he died surrounded by piles of dust.

Then we faced our Doctor and saw the shock, the pain, and love he had for us. For my Rose and for me. My Doctor moved towards us, asked us what we had done even though he could tell just by looking at us and we felt his hearts break for us. Then he moved closer and he kissed us. For a moment we felt complete love and contentment. We knew that we were loved by this being, and I reveled in the touch in a way that I had never felt before. My Rose had given me this gift without even knowing it.

My Doctor kissed us, and I felt myself drawn out of my Rose. I knew I couldn't stay there, my Doctor needed me back where I belonged and to stay with my Rose would kill her and that I could not bare. So I left her, but a part of me remained, to keep her safe, to protect her and I moved to my Doctor.

My Doctor and I were one.

My Rose and I had parted.

My Doctor and I caught our Rose as she collapsed and we carried her gently into the shell of the TARDIS. My Doctor and I spent a few moments together, passing on what had happened, but I knew that my Doctor would need time to fully understand all that I had told him. There was so much to share and so little time that it became jumbled. Then I felt my Doctor start to die and knew that I had to leave him and go back to my shell so that he could live.

But it was too late and my Doctor paid. Again. We had saved our Rose, both of us giving her something to help her body recover from having me in her, but my Doctor had given to much of himself and taken to much of me. And it was my fault because I couldn't stand by and watch my three charges hurt and die like that when there was something I could do to stop it.

My Rose and I watched as my Doctor regenerated. It was always a painful and uncertain process and each time he went through it I was scared that I was about to lose my Doctor. It had been close a few times, his regeneration had been unstable or the people around him hadn't understood what was happening and in their attempts to help had almost finished him off. I could feel my Rose wanting to help my Doctor, feel her fear and her need to help him, but my Doctor told her to stay back and I added my voice to his and my Rose got the message and did the only thing that she could. My Rose watched and she waited, as did I.

And I wept because my Doctor was going through this pain because of me. My Rose had been willing to die to save my Doctor, my Jack had died to help my Doctor and all I could do was to stand by and watch until my Rose had come to me and convinced me that there was another way. That there had to be another way.

My Doctor changed, regenerated like he has done before, like other Time Lords had done before. But now it was more dangerous. Now there was no one left who knew what to do if the regeneration didn't work, and I knew that I could not risk my Rose like that again either.

But the regeneration worked, though it was a little rough, it worked. And I took us back to my Rose's home so that she could look after my Doctor while his body stabalised in his new regeneration. So that my Rose could ground herself with the others that she loved because I knew that she still thought that my Jack had been lost to them. She couldn't understand me when I told her that he lived, that we had given him back life as we had taken life from the Darleks.

So it was back to just my Doctor and my Rose traveling with me again. And if it was a little quieter, if there was a little less laughter then no one said anything. But things got back to normal again, we travelled, we saved worlds and my Doctor and my Rose smiled and enjoyed every minute of it.

Then I felt it.

Something wasn't right, a storm was coming and it was going to hit my Doctor and my Rose head on.

I had to take action, I couldn't let the future that I had seen happen.

I couldn't let my Doctor loose anyone else like that again.

So I took us back to my Rose's home again.

And again I worked on the one called Mickey. He was my solution to the on coming problem. Mickey who denied that he was brave, who believed that what he had was the best that he could hope for. But I knew different. I could see into him, see what lay inside and although my Doctor loved to tease Mickey he could see it as well. I just needed to nurture the spark, make him realize that he had greatness in him. And this time I had to make sure that he came with us on our journey.

It was also a chance for my Doctor to see my Sarah Jane again, to speak to her again. My Doctor had checked in on her several times since we parted ways with my Sarah Jane, both before we had met her and after. But never before had my Doctor actually spoken to my Sarah Jane. My Sarah Jane was hurt, hurt that my Doctor had had to leave her behind, hurt that my Doctor hadn't come back for her. But it had been beyond my Doctors control. I knew that he would have loved nothing better than to go back and pick my Sarah Jane up after he had dealt with the trouble on Galifrey.

My Doctor had been shocked when my Sarah Jane had told him that she had no children or grandchildren, we knew that that wasn't right. We had seen our Sarah Jane near the end of her life, and she had been surrounded by her son, Luke and children and grandchildren. It had broken my Doctors heart at the time, knowing that my Sarah Jane had moved on from him. But my Sarah Jane never had, and I could see that now.

My Doctor asked my Sarah Jane to travel with us again. But my Sarah Jane declined, she was needed her on earth.

So again I meddled.

Just a little.

My Sarah Jane deserved some happiness, deserved the life that we had seen. So I sent her on her way to her son, and sent some others her way that would also become like family to my Sarah Jane. It was the least that I could do.

It was one of the only things I could do for my Sarah Jane.

That and continue to look out for my Sarah Jane.

My Sarah Jane Smith still had many great things ahead of her.

I eased my Rose's Mickey into his destiny. Nice and gentle. I took them to a space ship that needed my Doctor's help. I knew that my Rose would ease her Mickey into things and I was right. My Rose showed her Mickey what life with our Doctor was like, how exciting it could be and I watch as the spark inside him grew and ignited.

I knew I'd made the right choice.

I knew I'd made the only choice.

I knew that the next step I took would be a dangerous one.

I needed to traverse into an alternate universe.

It was not something that was safe to do anymore. Not now that there were no other Time Lords to watch the boundaries. But if I wanted to prevent the future from happening then it was something that I had to do.

But crossing universes was harder than I thought it was going to be, and it nearly killed me. But I held on, knowing that while there was even just a single spark left of me my Doctor would find it and help me.

And he did.

My Doctor found me and helped me. My Doctor gave me his life force to help me and in return I gave my Doctor and my Rose and her Micky a glimpse of the future that I had seen.

My Rose's Micky didn't disappoint me, he dealt with the horror and the nightmare that I had delivered them into and he came out the other side of it a stronger man who now knew what he was capable of and what he had to do. The only thing I regret about my decision was the pain that it caused my Rose when she had to say goodbye. But she still had me and my Doctor to help her through her pain. And I knew that it would not be the last time that they saw each other.

During all of our travels I kept watch over my Doctor and my Rose and also on my Jack. Followed him as he discovered his immortality, watched as he fought through wars to help others watched as he made his way to Torchwood, through the ranks, gaining knowledge and power. Watched as he waited and fell in love, watched as he saw those love ones die and grow old. I watched as my Jack made a difference, helped those who needed it and looked after the Earth while my Doctor was not able to.

Then it was time to go back to Rose's home, the time had come and I couldn't put it off any longer. It was time to face the nightmare again, only this time it would be worse. I had seen the future and knew that I couldn't let that future play out. I had set things in motion that would help, but I did not know if it would be enough. So I took my Rose home to gather another passenger and I had to do it without my Doctor realizing what I was doing.

I had set the wheels in motion, and all I could do now was sit back and watch and wait and hope that my plan worked.

I knew my charges well. Each had done their part. Even my Jack had done his part, without ever knowing just how good a job he had done. I just hoped that one day my Doctor would understand and forgive my Jack for joining Torchwood, but it was my Jack's influence and work that saved my Doctor from being killed on sight or locked up and tortured by Torchwood when we arrived. It was my Jack's influence that had the incompetent Yvonne Hartman listening to my Doctor instead of locking him up or killing him.

My Doctor and my Rose fought hard and my Jack had done his best to get from his base in Cardiff to Torchwood One. My plan worked. But it broke my Doctors hearts. But it was the best of the outcomes that I had seen and for that I was glad.

My Doctor lived.

My Rose lived.

My Jack lived.

What more could I ask for?

My Rose was trapped in another universe but she was alive and she had her Mickey and both of her parents. It was the best that I could do for her, it was better than becoming a Cyberman or dying and in time I hope that she understands that. My Doctor is broken again, but he knows that our Rose is alive and that alone keeps him going. Just.

My Doctor is in pain, pain so strong that it almost overwhelms me. He sees our Rose everywhere he looks, he was not ready to loose her. I don't think he would have ever have been ready to loose our Rose. My Doctor still does not realise that our Jack is still alive, he is not ready to acknowledge that, to understand what happened back on the games station. I will not force that on him yet. It is not time. So I help him search for the last small portal between the two worlds so that my Doctor can say goodbye to my Rose. Their pain at being seperated is difficult to deal with but it is easier to deal with than the pain of loosing our Rose any other way would have been. They talk, but time was short. My Rose spoke to my Doctor one last time and told him she loved him, and my Doctor stumbled around for a few moments. I kept the connection open for as long as I could, longer than I should have but it wasn't long enough. But I know that my Rose understood all that my Doctor did and didn't say.

My Rose is gone. Trapped in another reality. But the connection between us is still there, thinned by distance, time and the dimensional barriers. But I can still feel her and I know that while she still yearns to be with my Doctor she has found some happiness.

I know that my Doctor can not be alone again. Not at this time. We have drifted in the vortex for a while now, searching for the last whole in the universe, and I know it is time to kick my Doctor into action again. It is what he needs and it is time for me to put my own grief aside and help my Doctor again.

I can feel it, something is happening that is calling for our attention, all I need to do is move a bit more this way and...oh wow that was nicely done. We have a new guest, she has the potential to help my Doctor, but I feel it is not quite her time to travel with us. But she will do for now, she will help distract him from his all consuming pain, and he can help her with her problem.

I was right. Donna's time with my Doctor was very short. But it was enough to ease my Doctors pain a little, to let him function again. To give him the will to travel again.

And our travels lead us back to London, to Martha Jones. I like her, but she is not my Rose or my Jack and never will be. But I know that she needs to travel with us, that she has a part to play in some coming event. She is another companion for my Doctor, more important than some but not one of the more important. She had a rough introduction to what life with my Doctor could be like and she hadn't run from it and that means something. I tried to ease her into travel with us after that and she got my Doctor smiling again, and at times even laughing. But she also got my Doctor to talk about his past, about Galifrey, about the Time Lords and about Rose. But she didn't get him to talk about my Jack, and for that I was pleased. She wasn't ready to hear about My Jack.

Not yet.

I felt pain lance through me as my Jack worked on the clean up from Torchwood One and discovered that my Rose and her family had 'died' there. My Doctor and I hadn't stayed. I had had to get him away from there as soon as I could. My Doctor and I were long gone by the time that my Jack had arrived, which was good because my Doctor still was not ready to come face to face with my Jack again. I watched as my Jack worked, he'd left his team back in Cardiff having chosen to go and take charge on his own. Torchwood was now my Jack's and I knew that it was now in good hands. I watched as my Jack met some of the survivors, not that there were many. I watched as my Jack met Ianto Jones and in the midst of all of that death and destruction something good had been born. I watched as my Jack spoke to Ianto, and then later as Ianto called my Jack and asked for a job at Torchwood Three. I knew that there would be trouble, but I also knew that my Jack was more than a match for this trouble.

Martha and my Doctor traveled and explored, but it wasn't the same as it was with my Rose. I knew that Martha resented my Rose, knew that she was always being compared to my Rose by my Doctor. She didn't realize that I was also comparing them, didn't realize just what I was. Martha Jones was an intelligent confident woman, but she would never stand up in comparison to my Rose. My Rose knew things, understood things that Martha never would. But she was good for my Doctor and like I said she had a role to play.

Then it was time.

I had again put this off for as long as I could.

I needed to recharge and it was time for us to face our next challenge.

It was time for me to collect my Jack again.

For this trial my Doctor would need my Jack.

So I detoured us to the rift that ran over Cardiff. I had been watching my Jack and knew that I had to time this right. My Jack had been working hard, fighting from both inside and outside, but I wasn't worried. I knew that he had built a strong team to help him when he needed it most. I had watched as my Jack had flirted with his Ianto. Watched as my Jack and his Ianto faced horrors that most humans would never have to face and then helped put each other back together again. I was happy for my Jack. But I also knew that he still waited for my Doctor to come back. My Jack knew that my Doctor would come back one day.

And today was that day.

Though I wished that is wasn't.

That there was another way.

Because this way lay hell.

I timed it so that my Jack had just come back. Again. My Doctor noticed immediately that the rift had been active, and it was almost enough to distract him from seeing my Jack running across the Plas towards us. But my Doctor saw my Jack running, the shock lasted for a mere second and then my Doctor was running. He tried to get away, didn't want to face what had been done. My Doctor now knew what had happened, fully understood what it meant, and didn't want to face the man that it had been done to it. But I stalled, fought my Doctor for the few seconds that my Jack needed to grab on and then I let us all go into the vortex. Let the shock of my Jack's appearance force us to where we were meant to go. To where I've been fighting against going for some time now, I just know that this will be too much for Martha and while she's not my Rose or my Jack she is good for my Doctor at this time.

I can feel my Doctor's pain and guilt and fear as he faces my Jack for the first time since we left him. My Doctor doesn't realize just how long it has been for my Jack and even for us it was not just yesterday. I listen carefully as my Doctor and my Jack tensely face off. I know that they will be fine, but they hurt and so do I. Martha does not understand, can not understand what is going on. I feel her jealousy spike every time that my Doctor or my Jack talk about my Rose, but then their adventure is started and I am back to watching my Doctor as he rushes from one problem to the next solving them in ways that only my Doctor and his companions can and I know that He is here as well. Hidden from my Doctor but not from me, but I can not warn my Doctor or my Jack because they do not hear me, I am just a whisper in the back of their minds.

I can feel Him long before I am taken to Him, my Doctor and I have been battling against Him since they were children. I long ago learned to feel Him wherever he may be, I used to feel the pain of his TARDIS calling out to me and others of our kind for help. His TARDIS has long since died, she had chosen Him hoping that she could help Him, heal Him, change Him, but it was more than she could handle. She tired to escape from Him at times, tried to stop Him from carrying out His evil plans, but He'd always find her again and take her back. Her only way of slowing him down was to die, so that was what she did. She ran and then let herself die, quietly, with the help of the other TARDIS'. It was sad and painful for us all, but it was truly the only way. It was a shame that the Time Lords didn't see it the same way. They brought Him back. Time and again. They even gave him access to another TARDIS to help Him in the Time War, and look how He repaid them.

I am pleased with Martha, she figured it out. She had no idea just how dangerous He was but she figured out what He was and knew that He wasn't like my Doctor and alerted my Doctor and my Jack to the danger. But it wasn't soon enough. He was back. He'd woken and my hell was about to start.

He entered me and forced me to do his bidding, forced me to leave my Doctor and my Jack and Martha alone on the planet. But my Doctor didn't let me go without a fight and He, although free, was also trapped. My Doctor had the final say about where He could take me and for that I was glad. He was furious. But it didn't take Him long to come up with a plan to cause as much chaos as He could. The Earth stood no chance against an angry Time Lord, no planet did really. There had been checks and balances in the past, but with the Time Lords gone so were the balances. He spent time trying to repair my controls so that He could go where ever He wanted, but my Doctor was good and I did my best to help my Doctor. I knew my Doctor and my Jack would come for me. I just had to wait. He tried to open my panels, tried to get into the heart of me, but this I would not allow, for though it would kill Him He could still do untold damage to space and time before he regenerated.

Without the Time Lords to watch over them my Doctor and He now had no limitations on how many times they could regenerated.

Once He realized that He couldn't repair my controls or gain access to the heart of me He turned His attention to what He could use me for.

It took Him no time to integrate Himself in the humans society, to gain power. To bring His plan into fruition. His knowledge and experience made it all too easy for Him. He soon set His plan in motion and started using me, cannibalizing me, raping me. All I had ever wanted was to watch over my Doctor and to help those who needed our help. Now I was being forced to create a paradox that would destroy the Earth and possibly the rest of the universe. I was forced watch as I helped the humans from the future, under His control, come back to kill and destroy. I was forced to watch as his unbalance spread further and further. Any who stood against Him or spoke out were silenced in any way that they had to.

Then when it was all done, when His plan was finally about to unfold for all to see my Doctor arrived. I felt it the moment that my Doctor, my Jack and Martha joined us in this time. Through all the pain that I was forced to endure by Him my Doctor and my Jack shone like a welcoming beacon and I clung to that. I knew that they would come.

But it wasn't over.

I hid my Doctor and my Jack and Martha from Him for as long as I could. But he went after Martha's family and my Doctor and my Jack couldn't stand back and do nothing to help.

They came to us.

Having my Doctor and my Jack back, having them back in me helped me more than they will ever know.

But the next year was hard on my Doctor and my Jack and Martha.

It didn't take my Doctor long to figure out who the Tocolfane really were and what His plan was, but my Doctor needed time to for his plan to work needed time to gather help and build up his strength.

I gave as much support and help to my Doctor and my Jack and Martha as I could. I helped Martha stay hidden from those who hunted her and helped her with the languages of those she sought help from and of those she told her story to. I let Martha know that there was still something to fight for when she needed the reassurance that my Doctor and her family were still alive, she did not know exactly where the information came from but she trusted it. It wasn't much, but it was all I could do for her.

My Doctor spent the year concentrating on tapping into the psychic field of the Arch Angel network. My Doctor had always had a high level of telepathy for a Time Lord, not that he ever used it much. My Doctor had always preferred to shield his mind from others and get to know those he met the slower way. So I helped my Doctor hone his telepathy. I helped my Doctor build a stronger connection between us. I helped my Doctor help my Jack.

My Jack had the hardest year. My Jack was continually tortured and killed. He took great pleasure in finding new ways to kill my Jack and finding out just how much pain He could inflict on my Jack before his body gave out yet again and sometimes killing my Jack as soon as he came back. And when He tired of playing with my Jack this way He would hand my Jack over to some of his trusted guards to play with. I shared all of my Jack's pain, tried to ease it as much as I could. Tried to sooth him whenever I could between the torture and death.

My Jack was also becoming a strong telepath, he'd always had the ability. But the longer my Jack lived the stronger his ability becomes. So I helped my Doctor and my Jack by helping them connect. I was always in the back ground, keeping them both safe from any psychic shock that may happen because of His actions. I always stood between my Jack and my Doctor when my Jack was being killed or tortured knowing that my Doctor would not back away from the pain that my Jack felt. And while I could do nothing to stop the pain and torture that was being inflicted on both of them I could dampen how much they felt of the others pain.

I listened as my Doctor and my Jack talked, shared stories about their adventures and the people that they had met along the way. My Doctor spoke of my Rose and adventures that they had shared before and after my Jack had traveled with them and about other people he'd traveled with. Sometimes my Doctor and my Jack would trade stories about places and times that they had both been to. My Jack told my Doctor about his life since he'd arrived back on earth in the late 19th century, and about how he'd come to work for Torchwood. My Jack told my Doctor about how he'd been working to change the institute, how he'd worked his way up and about his team. My Jack had done a lot with his time on Earth and at times his emotions were almost overwhelming as he spoke of people he'd known and especially when he spoke of his team at Torchwood Three. My Jack had found some peace at last, though it was still dangerous and full of adventure. My Jack told my Doctor all about his team and how he'd met them. But his strongest emotions lay with his Ianto Jones. For one so young he had seen so much, but there was something about this young man that had captured my Jack's attention. The longer we spent trapped here the more time my Jack had to think about what he had left behind. The more time my Jack had to think about his Ianto and how he wanted things to change when he got back, if he got back.

I had feared that my Doctor may be hurt that my Jack's attention had moved to his Ianto, but instead my Doctor encouraged him, listened to him and offered advice about how he could change things. My Doctor found the knowledge that my Jack had found someone to love reassuring. Warming. It gave him something to fight for, something tangible that he could see and watch grow.

He tried so many ways to break my Doctor and my Jack. From making them watch as the Toklefain killed whole continents to hunting down my Jack's team and bring them aboard to torture and kill while my Jack was helpless to stop Him. This took time, but He was relentless in his efforts. My Doctor gave my Jack support as he was forced to watch Gwen Cooper then Owen Harper then Toshiko Sato and finally, after much searching, Ianto Jones killed. I feared that after everything that my Jack had had to endure over the past year that this would too much for him. But watching his Ianto tortured in front of him like that sparked a fire in him that he hadn't felt for a very long time. His Ianto was a fighter, strong and so full of life and so determined to keep those he cared for safe. His Ianto screamed out for my Jack, wanting him to stay strong, not that anyone but my Doctor and my Jack and I heard him. He may have heard but he was too lost in his own world to take any notice.

It was only a couple of weeks after his Ianto was killed that Martha arrived back, her travels finally finished and the last stages of my Doctors plans could be set into motion. My Doctor had spent his time well, he'd tuned into the Arch Angel Network and my Jack was ready to fight, to stand with my Doctor.

The time had come and my Doctor showed why he had so much faith in the human race. Over the past year Martha had traveled the earth and spread her story and her instructions and when the time came the whole planet stood still and concentrated all their faith and power on one word, one person, one thought. And it was enough. My Doctor came back, so full of life and youth and power. Nothing could stop my Doctor. My Doctor knew what he had to do and he did it.

My Doctor stopped Him.

And then my Doctor sent my Jack to help me, free me, while he stayed behind to deal with Him.

I knew that my Doctor would save me, save us all and he had. Now my Jack was coming to free me and I knew that nothing would stop him. With Him defeated my Doctor and my Jack had the help of those who had been forced to serve Him. There was still some resistance and some of the Toclofain were determined not to give up, but my Jack led the way and refused to give in.

Once my Jack had destroyed the Paradox Machine and freed me he headed back to my Doctor to help him. I was reveling in my freedom when my Doctors pain shot through me. I felt his pain as my Doctor held Him in his arms as He died, refusing to give in to my Doctors pleas to regenerate. My Doctors pain came as such a shock that I had no time to shield my Jack from it and while I felt my Jack's relief that He was dead clash with his pain at seeing my Doctor in so much pain. My Doctor who was so strong, who had faced the end of his world and had saved countless others was brought to his knees as the only other of his kind died. But my Jack stood with him and soothed my Doctors pain and let him know that my Doctor was not alone.

I didn't know what I could do to repay my Jack or if I would ever be able to repay my Jack for what he had done for me and my Doctor.

Martha had done her job well, but as she watched my Doctor and my Jack, watched the events play out and time reverse I knew that she would not be traveling with my Doctor for much longer. This year that never was had also given her time to think. Martha knew that while she cared deeply for my Doctor he did not share those feelings. My Doctor cared for her, but not in the way that she wanted, not the way that my Doctor cared for my Rose or even my Jack. Martha had learned much in her time with my Doctor and in the year that never happened but now she wanted some time for herself, wanted someone to put her first for a change and while she was with my Doctor she knew that wouldn't happen.

It took a while for my Doctor and my Jack to put me back together again and repair all the damage that He had done when He had cannibalized me for His Paradox Machine. My Doctor had spent time talking to both Martha and my Jack to make sure that they were all right and find out what they wanted to do now. My Doctor offered to take my Jack traveling with him again, but he knew that my Jack needed to see his team again, to see his Ianto. My Jack promised that he would travel with my Doctor again, that since he couldn't die they had plenty of time in the future, but his Ianto didn't have that time. My Doctor had smiled and understood and so we took our Jack back to Cardiff to his Ianto.

Next stop was to say goodbye to Martha.

It was time.

For now at least.

But my Doctor had lost so much in such a short time. And I worried about him again. I knew that I had to help my Doctor again, find someone else to keep him occupied, for him to show the universe to again. So while my Doctor was doing some more repairs on me as we floated through the vortex I let my shields down and brought us to another ship where there was a person on board who I thought would be a suitable companion. I brought my Doctor to Astrid. She was such a curious person, she longed to travel and have adventures. I thought she would be perfect for my Doctor. But it didn't work out, and all my Doctor could do was to free her so that she could spend the rest of time drifting wherever she liked.

My Jack faired better, his team while mad at him welcomed him back. My Jack wasted no time in putting into action all that he had thought about in the year that never was. I watched as my Jack and his Ianto became closer and I realized that his Ianto was special. More special than my Jack realized.

So I decided that my Doctor needed someone he already knew to travel with for a time, someone he'd already offered to take with him. I decided to take my Doctor back to Donna. It was time to show her that there was so much more to the universe than she had ever thought possible. It was perfect. My Doctor already knew her, already knew that traveling with her would be interesting and she was different to his companions of recent times. It was exactly what my Doctor needed right now.

I kept track of Martha, I still worried that the year that never was had been too much for her, but she seemed to be coping. Being with her family had helped her and staying in contact with my Jack was also helping her. I was pleased that she seemed happy.

My Doctor was back to his normal self, rushing from one near disaster to another with Donna at his side. I knew I'd made the right decision about her, she got my Doctor back, reminded him of why he did what he did. But Donna both confused and frustrated my Doctor like no one else had ever done. And I knew that it was time to bring back Martha. She had had time to rest and recover from the year that never was, had spent some time working with my Jack at Torchwood, had learned more about her world and the universe and was now ready to rejoin my Doctor and I on our journeys. And while Donna was good for my Doctor, he also needed someone to counter the confusion and frustration that Donna brought about. I had thought about my Jack but he needed this time with his Ianto, he was not ready to come back to us yet.

It was good to have more people around again. It was different than when my Doctor was traveling with my Rose and my Jack, but then again my Rose and my Jack were forces of nature and little could compare to them. The dynamic between Martha, Donna and my Doctor was totally different, more like times of old when we traveled with groups like Tegan, Nyssa and Adric. Only now not as peaceful. Donna and Martha tended to disagree, but they usually sorted their problems out.

Things had been going well until I heard my Jack screaming out in pain, my Doctor, Martha and Donna had just agree to where they wanted to go next, it was to be a nice quiet planet where they could all just relax a little. But my Jacks scream was so strong and pain filled that I couldn't ignore it. My Jack was in so much pain that he didn't even realize how powerful his scream was. My Doctor had been telling Martha and Donna about the last time he'd been to the planet when he'd almost doubled over from the pain that my Jack was feeling. It was so intense but it lasted for only a moment, then my Jack simply shut down. My Jack was still alive. I could still feel his presence as could my Doctor, but something was so terribly wrong. Both Martha and Donna were concerned about my Doctor, asking him what was wrong, why I had lurched, what had happened. But my Doctor didn't answer them. He knew as did I that we had to go. We had to find our Jack. But Martha wouldn't let it go, she demanded to know what had happened.

My Doctor stopped for a moment and looked Martha in the eye and said one word.

"Jack."

I felt the surge of emotion rush through Martha as she looked at my Doctor, wondering what had happened and how he'd known. But the moment passed and she saw that whatever it was that had happened Jack needed them.

Now.

Martha set about helping my Doctor, not that I needed either of their help with this one, we were going to my Jack whether they liked it or not.

Donna was just confused, demanding to know what was going on, what had happened and who the hell was this Jack person. But neither my Doctor nor Martha answered her.

It didn't matter, not really. We were there quickly, and for once I was spot on with where I landed. This was no game. It was not a time to play with my Doctor and his companions.

We materialized in the main area of the hub of Torchwood Three.

There were four humans close by and several weevils and two other hostile aliens further below. One of the humans was my Jack, and his pain and emotional distance was even stronger now that we were here. I knew my Doctor could feel it as well and it was time for us to start repaying our Jack for all that he had done for us in the past and would do for us in the future.

My Doctor rushed out of me and moved unerringly to where he knew he'd find my Jack. Martha followed closely, not knowing exactly what she'd find. Donna held back for a moment, not sure what to think or do.

All I could do for now was wait until my Doctor brought my Jack back to me and I urged my Doctor to also bring my Jacks Ianto.

It was our turn to help, and we wouldn't let our Jack down.

It was not an option.


End file.
